And I thought it wouyld be easy!

You know what--- this is a dog's life. Oh yes, it was wonderful winning on Saturday night, but now that I have had a few days to try and get a cabinet and move on some critical areas, like building new 'State Kennels and free bone kitchens for Jack Russels--- well I am only trying to show my mates that I care after all. Isn't that what happens everywhere? I know one things for sure--- everybody wants something. The cats from both parties  want well-marked cat crossings on all major roads and the chickens want to keep 50% of all the eggs they raise. Thats all I need-- an explosion of chickens running wild.
Then there's Neil and his mates. I knew it. It wasn't long before he had a line-up, all pressuring me for equal rights for humans. Come on guys-- we won---you lost. Don't you get it? I think you should just be content that we have allowed to you to run your silly human-orientated businesses, almost without constraints. Hey--- it was you who stuffed up the environment--- not us!
The move to Mt Roskill is working out better than I thought. We don't need as much as what you lot had in Wellington. Take for example, all the techno stuff you had. Thats out the window. It's back to basics. God it sounds so damned good litenning to all of that howling. Just think od all the momney we are saving. That can go for the Older Pets and Animals Care Centres.
JUst a note of cuation though. I am hearing rumblings of discontent from certain quaters. Be warned--- we are watching and our new Minister for internal secuturity has assembled quite a team!
I'm enjoying 'Roskill, Neil's latest book.

Perdy Speaks

"Neil has asked me to talk to you about my latest moves in the political world. Ok--- I have been a busy lady-- what with the coaltion talks and trying to please everyone, but just pissing off most. First, I had to placate the Non-Pedigree Cats Party by offering them two cabinet places; Tourism and Education. They were none too please when I made neil Minister of Human affairs, but they will just have to get used to it. I mean what do they know about humans other than licking the hand that feeds them.
Jasmine is showing her ture colours. She used to be head honcho around here at home, but when we move to Wellington, she has said that she won't come. I have had a thought that maybe we can run things from here in MT Roskill. That will need a few chnages, or should I say--- we might have to run roughshod over a few political foes and friends alike.
I am going to ram through a new law about the lenght of Parliament--- lets face it,  us animals don't live as long as you humans so how about we change the term from 3 years to six months? Don't like it?--- too bad. I can feel the power rush.
 I bet that finds favour with the 'Free Chickens Party

"The Morning After

Perdy is now Prime Minister. It was a close thing but it appears that she and her Party can rule with the help of the Non-Pedigree Cat's Party. Mmmm--- Time will tell. Going by the conversations I heard late last night, it may be a rough journey. She was trying to convince Jasmine ( Leader of the Cats party) that I should be Minister for Human Affairs. Jasmine was arguing that she had a better lead on that post and that only she could truly deliver in that area. God help us.
The phone calls went on all night. We even had the Chickens' Freedom Party visiting in the wee small hours. By then  I was jiggered. Luckilly Henabee didn't stay long. She walked out clucking somthing about not been able to trust 'canines.'
The call from the leader of the Governing Party (Former) didn't take the loss well. The polls had been so wrong and losing isn't something that dear Frabius takes well. Back to the farm yard for her party I say. As the only human in the Cabinet of the new Government, I'll have to watch my language. I didn't like the looks I was getting from the new Minister for Policing and Border Control. I suspect that any new human  immigrants will have a difficult time, when they apply to join us in  NZ.
If that wasn't enough, I saw a memo on Perdy's desk with plans for a new division of the Police Force. All I can say at this stage is that--- thank God, I'm close to Perdy. Humans are in for a pretty torid time, if they object to the proposed 'Selling of  Human Assets Bill.
Howeve,r all is not lost for us humans. We shall rebuild our party--- but we will need to keep it under the radar for a while. You may ask--- why are we in this situation? It's damn obvious to me. We had our chances, but we JUST DIDN'T GET OUT AND VOTE!  Need I say more?

Big day eh

It's E day and you need to get out and V. I can't say which party but make sure you keep the family jewels and the things that are God-given.
 I was speaking to Perdy last night and she assured me that things will be fine if we suppport the "Jack Russel Party. She was on the phone last night to the leader of the Freedom for Chickens Party---something about a coaltion with the 'Non Pedigree Cat's Party. Apparently they have split from the Rich Cats from the Central Party--- they just couldn't see paw to paw. Just when I thought she might pay me some attention, like going for a late walk, she started talking to that evergreen politician, Twinson Ceepers. You should have heard them--- I mean, I could hear it from the couch. Twinson was reminding Perdy about the extension he had achieved for the Critters Card--- you know the one that allows free vet care and travel. God, since Perdy's Nana got hers, we hardly ever find her at home; always tripping around. Perdy's a bit pissed, cause she has to wait for years until she can collect hers. She's not at all too pleased with the United Animals Party--- and their idea of staggered access to the Retirement for Animals Fund. The farm dogs are demanding that this apply to them, because they reckon they work harder. Well, Perdy reckons the way she runs about to please me, she deserves at least as much. Not being one who gets too involved, I just watch them all--- night after night on TV, barking, bearing their teeth and promising the world. Oh well, I supppose my loyalty to Perdy means I better vote for her and just hope she teams up with the ones who will look after our clean green doggie parks. 

Are they all a pack of liars? UPDATES

Who--- our politicians of course! It is easy to dismiss them as such but maybe a bit of balance is needed when pondering that question. Firstly, lets consider the alternative; something like a benevolent dictatorship, maybe with a royal tinge. Of course that only works (on the surface and relies on the citizens to forget any deisre to question) if the country has billions of gallons of oil and is able to vertualy bribe it's populace into satsified submission.
We in NZ don't have that luxury (the money that is) so we  go along with democarcy and all that entails. So who do we want to lead, inspire and spend our money? Do our politicians really go into their chosen careers with completely unselfish thoughts? Maybe they have what they truely believe is a zeal that they can 'fix' all our problems, but don't you think they have just bit of a need to feel the power that goes with it. Some of them have already experienced that feeling in their past working lives and are just transfering that 'lust' to a new field of play.
So what have we got. If you were able to listen to them, without knowing their political allegiances and they were able to answer our questions, without having to go along with party policies, I wonder how they would stack up. I suspect that we would hear a jumble of ideas, bereft of any substance. I guess thast's why parties formed, to bring like-minded souls intio line in order to achieve a 'plan'---- that's 'good for us.' That leaves the question--- how do we decide who we want to choose to represent us and our thoughts on what we think is 'good for us?' All very confusing. Just listen to the crap that people put forward as their reason for backing a particular party. I won't quote them here, but I am sure you know what I mean--- it's just that I won't throw up at the same things you do!
What am I going to do then, come election day? I could go with the party that I think has traditionally been the best for 'health and  education' or I could get really selfish and vote for the party that gave us the 'Gold Card' or look at the bigger question of 'Global Warming' and tick the box that matches those lofty ideals. I know I won't be backing a party whose members don't give a stuff about the growing gap between rich and poor--- you know--- they think that,'if I could get rich, then so can you'--- sort of like one of the upper echelons of one of our religious 'sects.'
Come election day, I shall cast my votes and watch the people we elect do thier thing on our behalf for the next three years--- that is if they last that long.
The real answer is that you --ALL GO AND BUY MY BOOKS AND GET A LITTLE LIGHT RELIEF.
Go to NEW WEBSITE IN MAY 2012  or just email me at neilcolemanauthor@gmail.com and get a really good price.
THE POLISH IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE IT NEEDS RENEWING FOR MR KEY AND HIS GOVERNMENT!

Just wondering how you are all feeling. John is still way up there in the polls.MMM maybe all the striking workers, asset sales opponents and other victims of the 'cuts' will be wondering what is next on the list. The ccycle will continue and eventually the worm will turn, just lke it does no matter who is in governmnet. It's like we have this ingrained resposne to any political party who has been in too long. For National, thier shelf-life is a bit longer. Not sure why-- so maybe I shall play with that idea in a future blog.

The Cosy Cafeteria--- Onehunga

I have always enjoyed breakfasting in Onehunga. I like the mix of the old-fashion and the trendy; something to suit everyone. From time ot time, new cafes open, adding to the already generous mix, especially if you add the ones in the Dressmart complex. Well there's a new boy on the block. I had heard from my mates (my dog-walking group) that a new one had openned in the restaurant that was 'Claret,' down the bottom end of the main street, near the railway station, almost opposite Columbus. I was also told that 'The Cosy Cafeteria' represents really good value.
On Sunday morning I decided to take my sister there, after my usual morning walk with Perdy. I did'nt take Perdy, but there are outside tables and if the morning isn't cold (it's not on the sunny side of the street), she would have been welcome.
I dropped a pissed-off Perdy home--- you know the look she gives me; somewhere between crying and 'I'm gonna bite you,' look. We headed on down and parked almost right outside the cafe. After been greated by a very friendly, bubbly young lady, we were handed the menu. The first thing that grabbed us was the price. The prices are at least a good several dollars lower than the competion. 'Right,' I thought, 'They're gonna have to sacrifice somewhere.'
I ordered the 'Big Breakfast,' hoping that my doctor doesn't read my blog. My sister asked about Gluten free toast and was told----'yes they had it.'
While we were waiting in what can best be described as a slightly Retro look decore, we noticed a steady flow of people coming in.
The coffee arrived and it was as good as anything else I have had in the main street.
Along came my 'Big Breakfast,' truely living up to its name---hell--- It was like a gastromonic Noah's Ark-- two of everything, all adding up to a 'no lunch for me today,' look. I thought compromise would follow--- it didn't. None of that crapppy bacon you can get when you don't pay so much. You did fine young people. Yes, the cafe seemed to be run by hard-working friendly, helpful youngsters, who take a pride in their work; not just the food, but the service as well.
I'm not saying that I won't be going to the other cafes: The Library, Columbus, just to mention a few, but I am saying that I will be going back to The Cosy Cafeteria. Don't let me hear that young people don't want to work--- give them a chance and let them shine.  Good on you Onehunga and go for it The Cosy Cafeteria.

OH--- I didn't get a freeby, in case you'e wondering!

LOOK OUT FOR MY NEW WEBSITE, SOMETIME IN LATE APRIL OR MAY 21012.

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The battle of the--- well WHAT?

Wasn't the great debate a bit of a waste of time? Did it tell you anything you didn't already know? Did it inform you about policy or provide real vision--- I don't think so. Phil managed to make John look like a naughty school boy, but he did it too much. The 'John you're---or John, that's not'--- was too much.
John tried to be slick and that didn't work.
Lets face it--- the vast majority of us have made up our minds already about who we are going to vote for. It is going to be just like it always has been--- about 10% of us who are swinging voters who will decide the result.
Then there's the question of the referendum. Do you really think people understand the options? Can you imagine Nzers coping with some of them--- where they have to rank the candidates and then the transfering thing happens. I reckon we will get 'donkey' voting--- if the cnadidate's name starts with 'A' they get more votes. Am I being too harsh? Have I misunderstood my fellow citizens? Maybe I'm just in a cynical mood. Maybe I shall let Perdy deicde who I should vote for. I shall put all the parties names on the floor and smother them with different smelly food and the one she eats first will be my choice. Well that probably has more rationality in it than how some poeple decide. LOL
Don't worry--- people who reallly know me, trust that I will do better than that--- I'll probably beat Perdy to it and eat the stuff first. --- Jack Russels rule!